New beginnings and everything in-between
Part 2 of our saga begins with a devastated couple.
The next few months were incredibly difficult. Now, you may be thinking, "They only had them for 9 months, how bad could it be". The thing to remember is we were a couple trying to have kids. To have your perfect dream abruptly end is devastating. I was now unemployed and no longer staying home as a Foster Parent, but I lacked the motivation to successfully find a new job. I looked for work but my heart wasn't in it. My Husband took some personal time too, as we both tried to cope with the loss. I slowly started to clean out the kids rooms. I sorted through the items, deciding what we wanted to keep and what we wanted to donate to the local Foster Closet. Each box I packed up hurt. Memories flooded in with each item I put away.
My Husband was the first one to start getting back into the real world. He was starting career number two as a Realtor, so he suggested I get my license and join him. I was somewhat reluctant to do that because he and I had unsuccessfully worked together in the past, but I was even more reluctant to rejoin the corporate world. So after a few months of slowly studying I took my Real Estate exam and was officially a Realtor. I join my husband at the brokerage he was with and we started trying to build a Real Estate empire.
Its now November and quickly approaching the birthdays of "A" and "K". I decided I would try to find contact information for their mom and reach out to her so I could send the kids birthday cards. I can't remember how I got her phone number, but I did. I called her and she gave me her address so I could send the kids birthday cards. Not long after, I received a call from her asking if we wanted to come to "K"s birthday party at Chucky Cheeses. We were ecstatic! We went to the party, got to see all of the kids we fostered, plus their older brother "I" whom we had never met. "A" was super excited when he saw us. "A" ran up to me and gave me one of the best hugs of my life. "K" was pretty reluctant when she saw us and even cried for a bit. This was fairly heartbreaking, but we understood. Things were also incredibly awkward with mom. My Husband Matt had met with her and chatted with her a few times before, but I had very little contact with her before that day. We chatted a bit, but overall it was pretty uneventful.
As the months went by we started getting invited to other family functions. Surprisingly her Step Mom really liked and appreciated us. She attributed our involvement to helping get moms life turned around. Even though we were part of a very difficult time in mom's life, we had somehow become like part of the family.
Fast forward to Christmas time again. I start to notice something. I thought she was pregnant again. A couple months later, Matt received a phone call from Brian who was Misty's boyfriend, whom we had briefly met at "K's" birthday. He asked to set up an appointment to talk about buying a home. Matt had the meeting with him and it turned out he wasn't there to talk Real Estate at all. My suspicions were confirmed that she was in fact pregnant and he was the father. Then something amazing happened. He asked if we would consider adopting the baby. He hadn't talked to her about it yet but he wanted to ask us first. We of course said yes, but it was still ultimately up to her.
Time continues to go by and Misty never approaches us about the baby. It's more and more obvious that she's pregnant, but in every interaction with her, she doesn't mention it to us. We are starting to get worried because the baby should be due soon and still no word. Should we ask her? That felt a little dirty to us so no...we never asked her. During this time we had also decided we would no longer put starting a family on hold and started working with a private adoption agency, Open Adoption and Family services (OAF&S). Even though we knew Misty was pregnant, it was not looking like we would be potentially adopting the baby.
Late May she calls me and asks if we could get together. We always enjoyed seeing her and the kids so we scheduled a time and had them over on May 31st 2015. The afternoon is uneventful. We play in the yard, have some pizzas, and just hang out. We are once again getting anxious. We found it strange that she wanted to get together, and hoped this would be the moment she tells us she's pregnant, but now it was 7pm. It was getting time for her to leave and take the kids home for bed time. Then it happened. She tells us she wanted to get together not just to see each other, but to ask us something. She tells us she was pregnant, and asked if we would adopt the baby. My heart leaped out of my chest. Of course we would. Yes, yes, yes a million times over. She tells us she's due in about 45 days. Since we had recently started with an adoption agency, we told her we would call them the next day to see what we needed to do.
The following day we contacted OAF&S to work on getting everything figured out. We do our medical checks, rush some references from friends and family and start planning this adoption. I spend hours online looking for cribs and other items we need to have a new baby in our home. We tell our immediate family members and a couple close friends, but otherwise keep it pretty hush hush. We want our family to meet her before the baby comes so we decide to have Misty and Matt's dad over for dinner to get to know each-other. It's been two weeks since Misty asked us to adopt. The dinner goes well and everyone goes home for the night.
It's 4 am and our phone rings. Before we are able to get up to answer it they hang up. A few seconds later they call back and we answer the phone. It's Misty's step mom. Misty is in labor. Its only been two weeks and she had only left our house a few hours ago. How could this be happening? We rush to the hospital which was only a few minutes away. We spend the next couple hours in the hospital with Misty and her step mom. No one is overly talkative but everyone is fairly cheery considering the hour. Its a little after 6 am and the baby still hadn't come and the doctor on duty was going to be ending her shift. She asks Misty if she wanted to induce labor. Misty agrees so they prep for labor. At 6:43 Misty gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. I had positioned myself where I would be able to see the baby right after birth but not so low that I would see the whole business. My heart was beating out of my chest. When it came time to cut the umbilical cord I sheepishly asked Misty if I could do it. She agreed. I stand up, holding the scissors, about to cut the physical and metaphoric link to the woman who gave birth to this amazing baby. Even in my wildest dreams I never expected that I would be cutting the umbilical cord.
Now it was panic time. We thought we had more time and hadn't completed all the necessary steps for the adoption. We call the agency first thing in the morning. They scramble to send someone out to our house the next day to complete all the necessary interviews, safety checks and the critical components of the homestudy. We tell our immediate family that the baby had been born but otherwise keep it quiet. We spend the entire day in the hospital with Misty and our newborn son Preston, who we named after my maternal Grandfather.
6am(ish) June 16th the phone rings. Why on earth are we getting another super early phone call? A little panic sets in. Did something happen to the baby? I answer the phone and it's my mom. My grandfather, for whom we named our son after, had passed away. Now my heart breaks. He had been sick and not doing well but this couldn't be happening, not now. I was torn between grief of my grandfathers passing and the intense happiness of the birth of our son. I go and visit Misty and Preston in the hospital that morning then head over to my parents house where the family was gathering.
Its now hospital discharge day. The adoption worker comes to the hospital to complete all the necessary paperwork for us to take the baby home. This is Misty's last chance to change her mind. Even though we were confident it would go off without a hitch there was still a lot of fear that she would change her mind now that the baby was born and she got to actually see and hold him. It seemed like forever, but eventually the adoption worker comes out of the hospital room. She had signed the paperwork. We later found out that the reason it took so long is Misty was having a hard time with it but ultimately decided it was the best choice for her and the baby. She asks us to leave the hospital first with the baby and then she would get her stuff together and leave. We expressed our gratitude about what she was doing for us and that we fully knew that this was not a decision she came to lightly and that we would forever be grateful for the biggest gift anyone could give. We left the hospital as Dads and so began the most amazing journey of our lives, Fatherhood.
The next few months were incredibly difficult. Now, you may be thinking, "They only had them for 9 months, how bad could it be". The thing to remember is we were a couple trying to have kids. To have your perfect dream abruptly end is devastating. I was now unemployed and no longer staying home as a Foster Parent, but I lacked the motivation to successfully find a new job. I looked for work but my heart wasn't in it. My Husband took some personal time too, as we both tried to cope with the loss. I slowly started to clean out the kids rooms. I sorted through the items, deciding what we wanted to keep and what we wanted to donate to the local Foster Closet. Each box I packed up hurt. Memories flooded in with each item I put away.
My Husband was the first one to start getting back into the real world. He was starting career number two as a Realtor, so he suggested I get my license and join him. I was somewhat reluctant to do that because he and I had unsuccessfully worked together in the past, but I was even more reluctant to rejoin the corporate world. So after a few months of slowly studying I took my Real Estate exam and was officially a Realtor. I join my husband at the brokerage he was with and we started trying to build a Real Estate empire.
Its now November and quickly approaching the birthdays of "A" and "K". I decided I would try to find contact information for their mom and reach out to her so I could send the kids birthday cards. I can't remember how I got her phone number, but I did. I called her and she gave me her address so I could send the kids birthday cards. Not long after, I received a call from her asking if we wanted to come to "K"s birthday party at Chucky Cheeses. We were ecstatic! We went to the party, got to see all of the kids we fostered, plus their older brother "I" whom we had never met. "A" was super excited when he saw us. "A" ran up to me and gave me one of the best hugs of my life. "K" was pretty reluctant when she saw us and even cried for a bit. This was fairly heartbreaking, but we understood. Things were also incredibly awkward with mom. My Husband Matt had met with her and chatted with her a few times before, but I had very little contact with her before that day. We chatted a bit, but overall it was pretty uneventful.
As the months went by we started getting invited to other family functions. Surprisingly her Step Mom really liked and appreciated us. She attributed our involvement to helping get moms life turned around. Even though we were part of a very difficult time in mom's life, we had somehow become like part of the family.
Fast forward to Christmas time again. I start to notice something. I thought she was pregnant again. A couple months later, Matt received a phone call from Brian who was Misty's boyfriend, whom we had briefly met at "K's" birthday. He asked to set up an appointment to talk about buying a home. Matt had the meeting with him and it turned out he wasn't there to talk Real Estate at all. My suspicions were confirmed that she was in fact pregnant and he was the father. Then something amazing happened. He asked if we would consider adopting the baby. He hadn't talked to her about it yet but he wanted to ask us first. We of course said yes, but it was still ultimately up to her.
Time continues to go by and Misty never approaches us about the baby. It's more and more obvious that she's pregnant, but in every interaction with her, she doesn't mention it to us. We are starting to get worried because the baby should be due soon and still no word. Should we ask her? That felt a little dirty to us so no...we never asked her. During this time we had also decided we would no longer put starting a family on hold and started working with a private adoption agency, Open Adoption and Family services (OAF&S). Even though we knew Misty was pregnant, it was not looking like we would be potentially adopting the baby.
Late May she calls me and asks if we could get together. We always enjoyed seeing her and the kids so we scheduled a time and had them over on May 31st 2015. The afternoon is uneventful. We play in the yard, have some pizzas, and just hang out. We are once again getting anxious. We found it strange that she wanted to get together, and hoped this would be the moment she tells us she's pregnant, but now it was 7pm. It was getting time for her to leave and take the kids home for bed time. Then it happened. She tells us she wanted to get together not just to see each other, but to ask us something. She tells us she was pregnant, and asked if we would adopt the baby. My heart leaped out of my chest. Of course we would. Yes, yes, yes a million times over. She tells us she's due in about 45 days. Since we had recently started with an adoption agency, we told her we would call them the next day to see what we needed to do.
The following day we contacted OAF&S to work on getting everything figured out. We do our medical checks, rush some references from friends and family and start planning this adoption. I spend hours online looking for cribs and other items we need to have a new baby in our home. We tell our immediate family members and a couple close friends, but otherwise keep it pretty hush hush. We want our family to meet her before the baby comes so we decide to have Misty and Matt's dad over for dinner to get to know each-other. It's been two weeks since Misty asked us to adopt. The dinner goes well and everyone goes home for the night.
It's 4 am and our phone rings. Before we are able to get up to answer it they hang up. A few seconds later they call back and we answer the phone. It's Misty's step mom. Misty is in labor. Its only been two weeks and she had only left our house a few hours ago. How could this be happening? We rush to the hospital which was only a few minutes away. We spend the next couple hours in the hospital with Misty and her step mom. No one is overly talkative but everyone is fairly cheery considering the hour. Its a little after 6 am and the baby still hadn't come and the doctor on duty was going to be ending her shift. She asks Misty if she wanted to induce labor. Misty agrees so they prep for labor. At 6:43 Misty gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. I had positioned myself where I would be able to see the baby right after birth but not so low that I would see the whole business. My heart was beating out of my chest. When it came time to cut the umbilical cord I sheepishly asked Misty if I could do it. She agreed. I stand up, holding the scissors, about to cut the physical and metaphoric link to the woman who gave birth to this amazing baby. Even in my wildest dreams I never expected that I would be cutting the umbilical cord.Now it was panic time. We thought we had more time and hadn't completed all the necessary steps for the adoption. We call the agency first thing in the morning. They scramble to send someone out to our house the next day to complete all the necessary interviews, safety checks and the critical components of the homestudy. We tell our immediate family that the baby had been born but otherwise keep it quiet. We spend the entire day in the hospital with Misty and our newborn son Preston, who we named after my maternal Grandfather.
6am(ish) June 16th the phone rings. Why on earth are we getting another super early phone call? A little panic sets in. Did something happen to the baby? I answer the phone and it's my mom. My grandfather, for whom we named our son after, had passed away. Now my heart breaks. He had been sick and not doing well but this couldn't be happening, not now. I was torn between grief of my grandfathers passing and the intense happiness of the birth of our son. I go and visit Misty and Preston in the hospital that morning then head over to my parents house where the family was gathering.
Its now hospital discharge day. The adoption worker comes to the hospital to complete all the necessary paperwork for us to take the baby home. This is Misty's last chance to change her mind. Even though we were confident it would go off without a hitch there was still a lot of fear that she would change her mind now that the baby was born and she got to actually see and hold him. It seemed like forever, but eventually the adoption worker comes out of the hospital room. She had signed the paperwork. We later found out that the reason it took so long is Misty was having a hard time with it but ultimately decided it was the best choice for her and the baby. She asks us to leave the hospital first with the baby and then she would get her stuff together and leave. We expressed our gratitude about what she was doing for us and that we fully knew that this was not a decision she came to lightly and that we would forever be grateful for the biggest gift anyone could give. We left the hospital as Dads and so began the most amazing journey of our lives, Fatherhood.
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